In my new book, Then Comes Marriage? A Cultural History of the American Family, I examine how, in recent times, TV shows and movies often portray fathers as clueless and ignorant. Commercials are some of the worst offenders—when was the last time you saw men, in general, treated in an intelligent, respectful way? Usually, the guy is floundering in some project until a know-it-all woman comes along. In one ad that I saw for a TV series, a husband reluctantly tells his wife that something she is doing is bothering him. She answers, “Really? I had no idea you felt that way.” Just as he begins to relax, she starts yelling, “Now that we’ve had that flashback to the 1950s, get out of my face!” You can bet that he does.
One friend tells me that when her children were small, one of their favorite fictional series was The Berenstain Bears because they portrayed good morals and promoted kindness. However, she and her husband finally stopped reading the books because of the way in which they made Papa Bear “a stupid goofball who would have been in deep trouble time after time if mama bear (or sometimes even the children!) hadn’t been there to save the day.”
I thought this was a pretty much contemporary problem, but then I just read a story about the first Father’s Day, back in 1910. The holiday began when Sonora Smart Dodd saw how fathers were marginalized by the media. She especially took offense at the way in which popular culture often showed them being lazy, drunk, or corrupt. She wanted there to be a balance to Mother’s Day, a time set aside to honor fathers for the truly important role they play in family life. And do they ever! Fathers are more involved than ever in bringing up their children; for example, when I was a baby, it was inconceivable that my dad would change my diaper or feed me. My father-in-law also considered that a woman’s arena. (I know there are many exceptions to this, but I think most American men fell into this category.) One dear friend, Debra Fretz Garrafa, tells of the way in which her husband stepped to the plate when their children were babies: “I traveled the weekends and my husband traveled the weekdays so he was a “Mom” in every sense 3 days a week and I did the other 4.”
Another friend, Louise Mordhorst-Takacs, summed up for me a picture of a noteworthy father: “I have a wonderful dad, he’s 86 and buys flowers for me and my sisters every Mother’s Day, Easter and every other holiday plus when he comes for dinner her brings them for us. He has always been a great role model for me and my daughters.” Mr. Mordhorst, you rock!
Happy Father’s Day, all you great men out there!
Tags: Father's Day
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